All I Wanted Was To Be "Cool"

This post actually goes with "The Day My Face Exploded" ...

Back in February, I finally convinced a dental professional (or two or five) that I had something abnormal going on behind my nose.  Sounds weirder than it was.  I felt like I had a baseball behind my nose.  Turns out it was a small (benign) tumor that looked like a beenie weenie  (no joke- I saw it)  hanging out on top of tooth number 8.  For those of you who are not familiar with the numbers associated with your teeth, thats the top front right tooth.  Kinda important for biting into things and for the overall aesthetics of your whole face.

After pics of the surgery:

Going... (Day 1 after surgery)

Going... (Day 2 after surgery)

KABAAAMMM!!!  (Day 3 after surgery)

Going down... (Day 4 after surgery)  (Yes, I was rotting in the same place on the couch for like a week)  (we fumigated the cushions immediately upon my recovery)

That was three months ago.  The beast of a weenie had eaten through the roof of my mouth and the bridge of my top teeth so bone graft was placed to regrow the bones.  Roof of the mouth is growing back like a champ but the bridge under my nose, not so much.  So I just had another surgery to place more bone graft and remove a tooth (super sad about that).  No pics from that one because no one is to see me without a front tooth.  (because Brandon calls me a pirate and that may or may not be hitting close to home)  I have a prosthetic to help with the aesthetics. 

Its actually a single denture.  

I'm a 32 year old with a denture.  

I'm probably more depressed about that than is appropriate.  

Turns out dentures are actually retainers with teeth attached.  Or maybe just mine is, I do not know... 

I realize the severe mental issues I'm about to reveal... but confession: I always kind of envied the kids in middle school with the slight speech impediments due to braces/retainers.  Seriously I do not know why.  I thought they were like, super cool, though.  (I pretty much thought everyone was.) 

All the cool kids had braces.  

And $100 jean shorts.  

So.  Cool.  

PSA to all KIDS: LOVE YOUR NATURALLY STRAIGHT TEETH!!!!!!  

Also... those shorts are hideous.  

(the shorts of 2015 are okay.  but WAAYYY too short.  Put some clothes on girls.)

I had NO CLUE that the slurred speech of the 90's was due to a large(ish) piece of plastic sheathing their mouths.  

It totally sucks!!!  

Totally.

I'm completing day 4 and I'm not used to it.  I can't taste foods like I used to.  

I can't speak like I used to.  

I went shopping for t-shirts for my 7 year old this morning and I was carded at every store when I tried to use my credit card.  Normally I judge people for not carding me - I get that I'm of small stature - but today... I was totally with them.  4'11" person with retainer-speech.  Better card that one.  Until they actually looked at the face - and then the ID ... 

OKAY!  She's good.

(so.  good.  please, just sign and move along.)

I'm not sure how this morphed from oral surgery into 'bah! i'm old!" but it did.  Thats old age for ya.